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The Secret Life of a Lawyer Part 1: Thou Shall be Perfect

July 10, 2017     Lawyers

This is my personal blog about me as a family lawyer. I will be frank and I will tell you things that you may not have expected or heard before. If you are going to judge me negatively because of it or cause trouble, then I am not worth your time so please don’t read on and instead focus on something that makes you happy. There are a lot of funny blogs and videos out there, just Google. This is not for you. This is for people who support me, understand me and look at my vulnerabilities as potential strength.

So without further ado:

Adventures of a Lawyer – Thou Shall be Perfect

“Dad, I want to close down shop. I can’t do this anymore…. I have no energy..I can’t go on”

The one person I always needed to ask for permission when it came to big decisions in life was my dad. That’s because he pushed me and told me I could do anything I wanted to as a child. Fortunately or unfortunately, I never wanted to disappoint him. He understood every emotion I ever experienced and despite his conservative nature, he supported me in so many decisions that involved high risks because he believed in me. Now I needed him to believe me and support me in making a decision to stop being a lawyer and close down my business. I had been working tirelessly on my business for 3 years and it was flourishing.

“Why do you feel that way my dear daughter?”, said dad.

I told him I hadn’t slept in 3 days. I had been dealing with a difficult case, a difficult lawyer and even a more difficult client. And I was exhausted. Soldiers fight with their weapons and fists. Lawyers fight with their pen and paper. When we can’t settle, our fight is constant, consistent, long, and tiring. Our battles can last longer than actual wars. Our battle is the battle of the brain and paper.

A child’s life was in my hands and the stakes were high. The anticipation of this hearing had been over a year long. In the days prior to the hearing, I found it increasingly difficult to work on the case because I was constantly subject to conflict and anxiety coming from everywhere. I then went to court and won everything and costs for my client. But nothing was good enough so she started threatening me and yelling at me. Yes exactly. It doesn’t make sense. Yet it happened and I have no explanation honestly. Except to say.. well… family law. People are not always themselves when they are dealing with trauma in their lives. And sometimes no victory or winning in court will heal that pain.

I had a duty of undivided loyalty to her regardless of how she treated me. I was to act like I was perfect, like everything was perfect and like my client was perfect until court was over. I was so scared I had to get one of my male friend to be around me while I acted like there was nothing wrong in front of the judge. Even after the sheriff came up to me and asked if I wanted to have my client removed from the court house due to her threatening behaviour. When everything finished, I walked out of the court house and suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. Air wasn’t coming in.

“Can I call you back in 10 minutes?” said dad.

I found it surprising that my dad would say that but I said sure and hung up the phone. I laid on my couch in downtown, Vancouver, still in my suite and my heels. Listening to the mix of sound between cars, buses, ambulances and birds – occasionally motorcycles. The birds weren’t as strong as the vehicles. I so wished I was somewhere with only birds and trees and nothing else. I started fading away.

The Secret Life of a  Lawyer – The Power of the People

I woke up to my buzzer going off about 10 minutes later. My dad, sister and brother in law were at my door. They came up with some tea and honey. My sister and brother in law are both doctors so they asked me a bunch of questions and listened intently, trying to measure the level of insanity and to come up with the right prescription to soothe the pain – as every doctor does in their own helpful way (bless their heart).

But my pain couldn’t be fixed with pills. It could only be fixed with a dramatic shift in decision making and life style. And that did not involve closing down my business and going travelling for a year. It didn’t involve pills. That was the reason why my dad wanted to see me to show me this one time, he did not agree with my proposal.

To read part 2 on addiction,  click here.

For Part  3 on the climax, click here.

For Part 4 on pleasing, click here.

For Part 5 on how it all ended, click here. 

For Part 6 on bullying at the work place, click here. 

For Part 7 and my transformation, click here.

Before going our separate ways today, please note the reason why I will write these series focusing on my personal life:

Business should be about who we are and who we attract as a client. That way, there is enough money to go around, we enjoy doing what we do and we are content with what we have achieved. When we get greedy, we become someone else. We may win in the short term but often not in the long term.

To do business in a healthy way, we need to be vulnerable and accept who we are. This is something that is missing in our professional lives because we think we need to look perfect to get the proper quality and amount of clients. And I don’t blame that line of thinking – people pay money to hire someone who probably knows more than they do when it comes to some things in life and protects them in ways they didn’t know they could be protected. That means clients want to look up to their lawyer and trust him/her. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is the foundation of a good solicitor-client relationship – a relationship based on trust.

That still doesn’t mean the lawyer needs to be perfect and act like it. No one is perfect. So in this blog series, I will talk about my business life, all the challenges that happen on a daily basis and what I go through – the good and the bad. I hope by writing this blog other lawyers or professionals can see that they are not alone. We are all human with all our strengths and vulnerabilities – and is it OK to discuss them and be open with them. If we use them the right way, our vulnerabilities will only help us grow and become more compassionate towards others.

To read part 2 on addiction,  click here.

For Part  3 on the climax, click here.

For Part 4 on pleasing, click here.

For Part 5 on how it all ended, click here. 

For Part 6 on bullying at the work place, click here. 

For Part 7 and my transformation, click here.

Leena Yousefi – leena@ylaw.ca

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