10 Tips on Winning Father’s Rights in BC – Divorce Law | Part 2

I have been successful in every single court case for a father’s shared parenting rights in BC. This is part 2 of my blog for winning father’s rights in BC. To read Part 1, click here. If you want to win your case for a father’s parenting rights, read every word of this article and Part 1 very carefully. 

Winning Father’s Rights in BC does not mean you need to have a male lawyer to maximize your chances of success (although male lawyers are perfect in some situations). I personally do not always think 2 men in suits in the courtroom against the ‘poor’ mother and her lawyer gives off the image of an equal playing field to the judge. I actually think having a female represent the father is a secret weapon that can be a game-changer in our family law courtrooms. I don’t say this for personal gain. I have more clients than I can handle and I am grateful for that. But I just had to make that observation.

The right lawyer though is not the only thing you need. Your lawyer’s image is not as important as your image.  Read on below to find out strategies to fix and perfect your image for winning shared parenting for fathers n Court.

What Are Father’s Rights for Child Custody?

Father’s rights for child custody in BC simply mean that fathers deserve equal parenting and parental responsibility rights with their children after separation or divorce. Until recently, our courts gave mothers more rights to children, especially young children. Father’s rights was a movement that started with some loving fathers wanting the judges and courts to know that children have the right to have equal parents in their lives and fathers were just as important as mothers.

Tips for Winning Father’s Rights in Vancouver Family Court

1. Focus on the present and the future, not the past. You are here to solve the problem, not the blame. Solving problems is present/future looking. Blame is always in the past. 
2. Give the judge a workable and reasonable parenting schedule and arrangement that would benefit everyone, most importantly your child.
3. Do not play the blame game no matter how many times she says you are to blame for every bad thing that happened in the past.
4. Do things with your child. Set up activities and help her or her with her school work.
5. Do not introduce your child to the woman you just met 1 month after separation. Your child needs to grieve the loss of his parents before he can accept another one.
6. Do not bad mouth the mother to the child. Not only will you lose your court battle, but you will also forever traumatize your fragile child.
7. Invest time and patience in the fight. Do one fight that has every ingredient of success instead of 100 fights that don’t have the right tools and will only hurt instead of help you.
8. Take parenting classes. Not just for court, but to understand that you can always become a better parent.
9. Do not plead with the mother to become more rational and kind. She won’t. Understand that you probably had a co-dependent relationship with her during your marriage and she wants you now to beg and plead because that will make her feel like she is in power and control.
10. Focus on your child, not the mother, as difficult as it may be if she tries to damage you by making false accusations in order to get more time with the children.

For much more comprehensive and beautifully written tips on winning fathers’ rights in BC read Carey’s article here.

Father’s Rights in BC are Just Rights

A 50/50 right to have parenting time with your children should always be the starting point of any custody arrangement; if both parents are reasonably fit to care for a child.  But Having equal parenting rights does not mean a 50/50 parenting arrangement is in the best interests of your child. That is a process you and your family can go through to discover what is in the best interests of your children.

The mother has no right to dictate anything less than equal parenting unless there is something terribly wrong with your parenting. But you have the option of choosing 50/50 parenting or something different based on every factor in your life situation and in the life of your child. The key is to be selfless. To forget about proving at you are right and just HAVE to have the child 50% of the time. You need to focus on how you and your ex-spouse can best serve the interests of your child. Maybe he is a momma’s boy and wants more time with her. Maybe he is good with spending 50/50 parenting time or more than 50% with you. Just know that you need to keep an objective focus and get away from getting into a pissing match with your ex. It won’t help anyone, especially your child.

That is the principle I go with in every custody case when I am representing men. 

Patience and Father’s Rights in BC

Mothers can lose their focus at separation. The mother is often too anxious, hurt and lonely to lose both her husband and her child. She holds on to her child as long as she can. This child grew in her for 9 months and in love, she took care of the child every second of every day at birth and raised him/her with you. Regardless of how much you may dislike each other, you shared an incredible experience at some point in time together. The last thing she wants to do is to lose her child just like she lost her happiness with you. Yes, she may be at fault and so may you. That doesn’t change the fact that she is in pain and so are you. And the only person who can soothe her pain the most is your child. So she will fight to keep the child or her happiness as long as she can – even if that means she needs to hurt you. Clearly, this is the wrong way of thinking and it can hurt your child. When this happens, your most potent weapon will be patience and emotional control.

Patience means non-reactivity. It means being objective and level. Unfortunately in most custody cases, it is the men who have to prove they are fit parents, not the women. So the worse thing you can do is to stoop down to her level and fight for selfish reasons.

Some examples of patience in a custody battle are as follows: 

1. If you have a court order that you can see your child but she doesn’t allow it, don’t write a text and call her every name in the book. Write an objective email and confirm what happened. Remind her that you are an equal parent and your child deserves to be with both of you. Give that email to your lawyer as evidence.
2. When she accuses you of not knowing how to take care of your child, take parenting classes even if you don’t agree with her. They can help and many people find them informative and useful. Give your completion certificates to your lawyer.
3. When she accuses you of not spending enough time with your child, record your memories – take pictures, go out with your child, jot down your experiences. Give the pictures to….you guessed it!
4. When she says you are not mentally fit to care for your child, get an expert report (s.211 Report) to prove that is not the case.

Background of Father’s Rights in Vancouver

No question the original God Father of Father’s Rights in Vancouver is Carey Linde, my good colleague and friend. He gets all the credit. Times have changed though from when he started fighting the system for father’s rights in BC.

He started defending men at a time when women were preferred in the BC Family Law court system- especially when it came to child custody or parenting time. He fought everyone – judges, women, society, the Law Society, the News Papers, the hate, the resistance.  People called him crazy, a rebel, inappropriate, breaching rules. Through his persistent fighting and with the help of many other lawyers (men and women), the new BC Family Law Act was enacted in 2013. It recognized Father’s Rights to a degree that even the Canadian government started proposing a law that would by default give 50/50 custody to any decent parents – fathers or mothers. And that was beautiful. Because it was a symbol of recognizing equality in our society. Carey contributed to that – whether they will admit it or not.

Carey is one of the very few lawyers that focus on men’s rights. But they don’t try to take away women’s rights. They just want equality for both men and women. 

Carey has fought the fight. My job is to not just continue it, but try to bring mothers and fathers together. Now that the law is more on the side of equal parenting, I am here to make sure mothers know about that and will cooperate instead of fight.

For Carey’s full and comprehensive article on patience and father’s rights in BC, click here.

There is so much more to father’s rights in BC than I can explain in this article. I will be publishing more on it, but if you have a custody case in which you find yourself losing every battle, contact us to find out about maximizing your chances of winning father’s rights in BC or call 604-974-9529.